Luke's Letter from Sith Camp

I was looking at a Darth Vader stamp and it got me to thinking...what if Luke wrote his dad from summer Sith camp ?  I think it might go something like this.
    Dear Dad, I hope you’re feeling better now that it’s gotten colder.  I know that armor is hell in warm weather.  I’m doing really well in my studies and my teachers think I show a lot of promise (your name carries a lot of weight around here).  Already I’ve learned how to break bones at a distance, throw people around, and, like you, Force choke someone.  You were right, dad, it’s really great being a Dark Sider.  Those old Jedi powers that everyone raves about are pretty lame compared to the stuff I can do now.  When I graduate I’d like to find Yoda – wherever the little chickenshit is hiding this time – and pound his little green ass into jam, which I can spread on my toast. 
    The only thing that strikes me as odd is that being a Sith Lord seems to involve a lot of body modification: spikes, horns, weird skin, glowing eyes, and in your case, that armor.  I know that wasn’t your fault dad and I regret causing you any pain by bringing up that memory.  OKAY, STOP CHOKING ME, I SAID I WAS SORRY.  Whew..thanks dad.  If that asshole Obi-Wan had any kindness he should have killed you and ended your suffering.  Of course, then you wouldn’t have sliced him in half aboard the Death Star; that must have felt pretty damn good !  And if he killed you, I’d have never been able to be a Sith.  So, thank you dad for all you’ve done for me.  When I get out of here, I’m looking forward to you teaching me more tricks of the Sith.  I’d love to use Force Lightning, but it seems to age the hell out of you and I’d like to get laid for another 10 years before ruining my looks. 
    Although... there’s one girl here that’s pressuring me into trying it, and she is pretty cute and tells me that she doesn’t care what I look like, she wants someone who’s powerful and ruthless.  So maybe I’ll do it and end up just like the Emperor.  Because I’ve given it some thought and ruling the galaxy as father and son has a strong allure.  Let me know if you want me to bring any of my friends along as allies (or lackeys that are willing to die for us – see dad, I’m learning how to think like you.)
Well, I should go now.  Today's lesson is coming up.  It’s all about how to use dirty tricks to win at any cost and I don’t want to miss that.  By the way; Dark Side sex is fucking incredible !  You didn’t tell me that, dad.  There’s nothing like fucking someone while levitating or using the Force to put them in interesting positions.  Anyway, got to run.  Oh, I’ve enclosed a holophoto of how I look now.  It’s a big change and I think I look much better in this outfit then the boring white all those wimpy Jedi wear.  Don’t worry dad, when we join up we’re going to wipe those little shits out for good.  Much Thanks, Luke Vader.  PS....some other student tried to pick on me and I Force-slammed him into a wall and broke his legs for good measure.  This place rocks !